Now my soul has elbow room

Every time I actually get outside and on the trail I am completely verified in my decision to hike the PCT. Back at home it becomes a mind game between my head and my heart as most things do. Which goes something like this

Mind: What are you thinking about taking 6 months off right when you could finally have opportunities to get your career started?

Self: I don’t want a career.

Mind : It isn’t always about what you want!

Self: But it’s my life

Mind: So you are going to be a waitress for the rest of your life?

Self: What’s wrong with that?

Mind: No one will respect you!

Self: But I don’t want to work ten hours a day in an office.

Mind: That is what life is! You still have weekends.

Self: I want weekends all the time.

Mind: You are such a child.

However when I get outside like today,( I hiked in the Marin Headlands) my mind is beaten to submission by all that beauty and as William Shakespeare put it, “ my soul has elbow room”.

Today was one of those spring  days that could only be described as “Glorious” or maybe “dazzling”.  The kind of days where it is warm but there is enough wind and water in the air that your whole body feels like mint. The headlands gave a magnificent display of the first day of May. Everything was green and the ocean breeze carried a heady scent of flowers. Flowers everywhere. I felt as drunk as the honey bees flying around them. The hills ablaze with golden poppies next to dark purple lupines.  Yellow and blue Irises exploding like fireworks from tall green grasses.

I realize that every day on the PCT will not look like this, a scene out of Bambi. I realize that sometimes it will be horrible and ugly or freezing and raining. But the thing is, even a horrible ugly freezing raining day in nature is better than a ho hum day in a cubicle. I say this because in that horrible ugly freezing raining day at least you know you are alive. At least at that moment life isn’t  passing you  by in a colorless haze.

The wilderness brings you a heightened sense of awareness. Brian and I play this game sometimes. I will say, “Brian, what were we talking about when we were coming up the second set of switch backs  after Shadow Lake on the John Muir Trail?” and he will answer immediately, “We were talking about Sean Connery in The Rock”. Then he will ask me what we were talking about in some random place on the trail and I will tell him. We can remember every moment of those 3 weeks and they were over two years ago. I don’t think I could tell you one specific thing that happened to me in “the real world” even a month back. I can see how easily my life could wash past me this way and I don’t want it to. I would rather be cold and wet and dirty in a tent somewhere than zoned out infront of sitcom. I just want to experience this beautiful life.

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~ by elenimonos on May 2, 2010.

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